I’m struggling to pick a title for this post. It may be because I can’t decide whether my title should be a question or a statement. Am I too sensitive? I am too sensitive. I’ve had a bad day with my anxiety today, and other than crying in the toilets at work or cuddling my kitten, my blog feels like the best outlet right now.
I’m overly sensitive
Being overly sensitive makes an ordinary situation ten times more overwhelming. I often hear people say, “try not to take things to heart”, and I wish I didn’t. I’m one of those people that likes to be friends with everyone (where possible) and I don’t like confrontation. Not many people do. Falling out with someone or even just feeling like I have, is a major trigger for my anxiety. It’s always at the back of mind and I can’t really relax as the feeling lingers. This is one of the reasons why I try to avoid getting into this situation or at least try to make peace.
Today I received an email off one of my managers, mocking me for asking a question I genuinely believed I had the right to ask with regards to my targets. I instantly had that sickening feeling in my stomach and had to fight back internal tears as I read the email over and over. My line manager then proceeded to showcase his annoyance and anger, up until the point where I pretended to go the toilet and cried silently into my hands. It was one of those gasping for deep breaths kind of cries. I couldn’t stop myself.
Where would my sensitive self be without my friends?
When I eventually managed to force myself out of the toilets, I went for a walk with a friend who comforted me and tried to calm me down. I felt much better after this and I’m grateful that I have supportive people like her in my life. I didn’t want to go back into work, I didn’t want to face my manager. I didn’t want him to know that I had been crying. When I did get back to my desk, he did pull me aside into a meeting room and tried to make amends. I cried again, subtly this time, the type of cry where you have a straight expression and tears slowly stream down your face.
Being sensitive – is it a bad thing?
I think I may have just found my blogpost title. The point of this post isn’t to share how stressful my days at work can be, but to explain the constant internal debate I have with myself whenever I get upset. I know I am too sensitive. It’s something that I wish I could change about myself. It means that I often get upset about things that aren’t necessarily things I should be upset about. If another driver beeps their horn at me when I haven’t actually done anything wrong, it upsets me. I won’t cry about this of course, but I still get that pang of adrenaline in my belly as if something really bad has just happened. I do wonder if being sensitive is a bad thing sometimes. Why can’t I be stronger? Why do I take so many things to heart?
I’m at a disadvantage
Right now, I feel like I’m at disadvantage, as being overly sensitive can be seen as a weakness. Maybe this is one of the reasons why my manager can be on my back a lot of the time. I do then wonder how my anxiety ties in with this and try to determine if my sensitivity, is in fact a result of how I process uneasy situations. In one of my earlier blogposts about my struggles with anxiety, I reference a quote that couldn’t be more relevant to today.
@Nuddge_ With my #anxiety I jump to the worst ever conclusions, but it always turns out ok💜 Who relates? #MentalHealth #WednesdayWisdom @tlkateart
Are you sensitive too?
I’m looking for people who understand my struggle. If you’re a blogger, please leave a link to your blogposts about similar struggles. If you’re just a keen reader, please share your story. It’s days like today where I seek comfort and support from fellow bloggers who are open about their mental health. It’s nice to know that I’m not alone.